Am i being gaslit?

Gaslighting in the workplace is a rising concern, and the impacts for women finding themselves here are still largely unexplored. Due to the lack of a formal diagnosis of gaslighting, particularly in the corporate world, organisations are often ill-equipped to deal with incidents constructively.

Gaslighting undermines confidence, distorts reality, and contributes to imposter syndrome, burnout, and attrition from leadership potential.

Despite growing public awareness of gaslighting in personal contexts, there is limited practical, research-backed guidance for identifying and addressing gaslighting in the workplace

If you used to love and were brilliant at your job, but recently have been feeling like you’re losing your mind, you may be being gaslit.

If you’re struggling to put your finger on what the problem is, if you’re feeling non-credible or if you are starting to second guess every decision you make, read on.

If you can relate to more than a few of the examples below, and you’re seeing it as a continuing pattern it’s very likely that you are being gaslit.

• They deny ever saying or agreeing to something you clearly remember.

• They change expectations after you’ve started or finished the work — then act like you misunderstood.

• They tell you “that’s not what happened” or “you’re overreacting” when you raise concerns.

• They twist your words in a conversation or meeting so it sounds like you said something you didn’t.

• TThey exclude you from a meeting or email, then insist you were told or must have missed it.

• They quietly remove or change written instructions, then claim you made an error.

• They tell you “that’s not what happened” or “you’re overreacting” when you raise concerns.

• They agree things with your stakeholders without telling you, then act like you were always in the loop

• They downplay or refuse to acknowledge your successes, making you question whether they matter.

• They imply your skills or qualifications aren’t valid “you’re new,” “too young,” or “too inexperienced”

• They use feedback in a way that feels like nitpicking, making you question your competence.

• They claim “others think you’re difficult/incompetent” without giving specifics or proof.

• They take credit for your ideas and later insist you never raised them.

• They openly support or praise you in public but work behind the scenes to undermine you & make you fail.

• They share only part of the information you need, making it more likely you’ll fail.

• They drip-feed key details over time, so you can’t see the full picture until it’s too late.

• They call last-minute meetings without explaining the purpose, so you’re unprepared.

• They change your responsibilities or priorities without following the proper process or discussing it with you.

• They only apply formal processes when it suits their own agenda — and ignore them otherwise.

• They only promote or reward people who praise them, protect them, or push their agenda.

• They avoid leaving a paper trail (no minutes, no follow-up emails) so there’s nothing to refer back to later.

• They make comments about you or your work that undermine you but frame them as jokes or banter

• They present criticism as “helpful advice” but it’s aimed at making you doubt yourself.

• They position themselves as the only one who can help or guide you, creating dependency.

• You find yourself apologising even when you don’t know what you’ve done wrong.

• You keep replaying conversations in your head to check if you remembered correctly.

• You feel the need to document every interaction to protect yourself.

• You’ve started avoiding sharing ideas or opinions because you expect them to be twisted or dismissed.

• They drip-feed key details over time, so you can’t see the full picture until it’s too late.

• You’ve noticed your self-confidence has been slowly eroded since working with them.

If you are currently experiencing gaslighting at work, reading the above may be upsetting for you.

If you notice strong physical or emotional reactions, please pause, take a few deep breaths and even step away and do something you love

If you continue to feel anxious or worried, please speak to someone - a trusted friend, a HR representative or reach out to someone who is there to listen such as the National Bullying Helpline on 0300 323 0169.

You’re not alone.

You’re too sensitive!

You raised something. Calmly, clearly, with good reason. And the response? Instead of engaging with what you said theyquestion how you said it. You were too emotional. Too sensitive. You were reading too much into it. You were making something out of nothing….

This is one of the oldest, most reliable tools in the gaslighter's kit. And it works particularly well on women, because the cultural ground has been pre-prepared for it. Women have long been labelled as emotional, reactive, hysterical — and that stereotype doesn't need to be stated explicitly. It just needs to be invoked, lightly, at the moment you dare to speak up.

The message is clear: your feelings are the problem. Not the behaviour you described. Not the thing that happened. Your reaction to it.

This is called tone policing, and it is a form of gaslighting.

It shifts the entire conversation away from the substance of what you raised and onto the manner in which you raised it. It makes your credibility contingent on your composure. And it ensures that no matter how carefully you choose your words, there will always be a reason your concern can be dismissed.

Here's what is true: you are allowed to have feelings about how you are treated at work. You are allowed to name behaviour that is affecting you. You are allowed to be upset, frustrated, unsettled, or angry. AND still be right. The validity of what you are saying is not determined by whether someone else approves of how you're saying it.

If you have been told you're too sensitive for speaking a truth that needed to be spoken, your feelings were not the problem. The behaviour you called out was.

Trust your feelings. You have every right to be heard.

#tonepolicing #selfdoubt #confidenceeroded #manipulation #womenleadership #gaslighting #gaslighther

wHY WASN’T i INVITED?

Intentionally left off meeting invites or group emails?

This is a form of exclusion that can make you feel invisible or unimportant. It’s a gaslighting tactic often used to undermine your presence and contributions. Remember that your voice matters, and you deserve to be included.

When this started happening to me, at first I passed it off as an omission, a mistake. But over time it became clear it was intentional. There was always an apology if I mentioned it, but I was never added to the invite next time. I was told - I was doing you a favour, I know you have more important things to do. Or, don’t worry, I took care of it. Soon my stakeholders were bypassing me completely, decisions were made about my projects without my knowledge. And I was expected to provide updates and be accountable when things went wrong.

If this is happening to you, speak up. Be very clear about what you need to be involved in and do not take no for an answer. If you know a meeting is running that you should be in, don’t wait for the invite just walk in and take a seat at the table. The bullies fear your assertiveness. They are relying on you to be quiet and not make a scene. Make a scene.

YOU’RE BEING GASLIT!

I Spent Months Blaming Myself. Then a Therapist Said One Word That Changed Everything.

I’ll never forget the meeting that changed everything.
It wasn’t even supposed to include me, I’d only found out about it by accident. As I sat there quietly, trying to make sense of the conversation, I listened to my boss presenting my work as his own. He spoke confidently, like he’d created every piece of it, and didn’t even seem to notice I was sitting right there.

I remember staring at him in shock. The room kept moving, the meeting carried on, and I felt completely invisible. Not angry, just hollow. Something in me shifted that day, the quiet awareness that something was very, very wrong.

Up until then, I’d spent months blaming myself. I thought I’d somehow lost my edge. I was constantly confused, questioning my memory, my performance, my worth. Deadlines blurred, meetings vanished from my calendar, and my confidence dissolved a little more each week.

A few days later, my mentor gently suggested I see a clinical psychologist. I agreed, because honestly, I thought I was losing my mind. During our first session, after I’d poured out everything that had been happening, she looked at me and said, “You’re being gaslit at work.”

I had to look it up afterwards. But once I did, it was like someone switched on a light in a dark room. Suddenly, everything made sense. I hadn’t suddenly become useless at my job. My memory hadn’t suddenly stopped working. I hadn’t magically started missing deadlines. I was being manipulated, undermined, excluded, and discredited, systematically.

That realisation was both devastating and liberating. It was painful to see what was happening, but it also gave me back something precious: clarity. It wasn’t all in my head.

If you’re reading this and any of it sounds familiar — please believe yourself. The confusion, the exhaustion, the self-doubt — those are signs, not flaws. Naming what’s happening is the first step to taking your power back.