You’re too sensitive!

You raised something. Calmly, clearly, with good reason. And the response? Instead of engaging with what you said theyquestion how you said it. You were too emotional. Too sensitive. You were reading too much into it. You were making something out of nothing….

This is one of the oldest, most reliable tools in the gaslighter's kit. And it works particularly well on women, because the cultural ground has been pre-prepared for it. Women have long been labelled as emotional, reactive, hysterical — and that stereotype doesn't need to be stated explicitly. It just needs to be invoked, lightly, at the moment you dare to speak up.

The message is clear: your feelings are the problem. Not the behaviour you described. Not the thing that happened. Your reaction to it.

This is called tone policing, and it is a form of gaslighting.

It shifts the entire conversation away from the substance of what you raised and onto the manner in which you raised it. It makes your credibility contingent on your composure. And it ensures that no matter how carefully you choose your words, there will always be a reason your concern can be dismissed.

Here's what is true: you are allowed to have feelings about how you are treated at work. You are allowed to name behaviour that is affecting you. You are allowed to be upset, frustrated, unsettled, or angry. AND still be right. The validity of what you are saying is not determined by whether someone else approves of how you're saying it.

If you have been told you're too sensitive for speaking a truth that needed to be spoken, your feelings were not the problem. The behaviour you called out was.

Trust your feelings. You have every right to be heard.

#tonepolicing #selfdoubt #confidenceeroded #manipulation #womenleadership #gaslighting #gaslighther