Melissa, city of london, financial services

I raised a concern in a team meeting about the way a project had been handled — calmly, professionally, with specific examples. My manager's response, in front of everyone, was to smile and say I was "reading too much into things." Afterwards, a colleague told me he'd said I was "emotionally reactive" in a separate conversation with HR. I spent weeks wondering if he was right. I started softening everything I said, adding disclaimers, apologising before I'd even made a point. It took a long time (and a therapist) to understand that what I'd done in that meeting was entirely reasonable, and that the problem wasn't my emotions. The problem was that someone had decided my emotions were a useful thing to use against me.

#tonepolicing #selfdoubt #confidenceeroded #unverifiablecriticism